So yesterday evening i was at this fundraising dinner. I was invited by a very good friend of mine to accompany her to the event. The Help-net fund which takes care of kids in extremely bad homes and gives them a safe house to live in. What realy shook my world was the man who founded the organisation years ago urged everyone to please spend money during the auction and donate for the new house they are opening up.
And what really hit me in the stomach is he said if there is anyone in the room who can't afford to give R50 should raise up their hands because clearly you need it more than we do. And I sat there feeling the R100 in my pocket, which I had to borrow from a family member just so that I am able to by a drink for the friend I was with, I felt the R100 burn through my being, nudging me to put up my hand and say, well I don't. That same moment I feel guilty that while this man is speaking about giving money for kids who are in much dire situations than me, I'm still thinking of myself.
But then I though, well if I'm not doing good, then how can I help someone else? I also realise that the reason I was feeling bad was because I really, really wanted to contribute to helping these children, but becaus of my circumstances I simply wasn't able to, I could barely take care of myself, let alone someone else.
That feeling is shit. Pure shit. Luckily my mind didn't stop there, because I though about how important it is to realise these things. In that same moment when I wanted to put my hands up and admit in shame that I couldn't even spend R50, I also had the strongest desire and drive in me to get myself out of these circumstances and get to a point where I can whip out R8000 and say, "here you go, for helping others".
The last thing I'm going to bitch and moan about is the stigma connected to not having enough money or not being financially strong. Now it might be in my mind, but if it is, it's because people created this thing about it being bad if you aren't financially secure, but fuck that. I am not financially secure, I don't like it, but I'm not going to be ashamed of it and I'm also not expecting charity!
It gives me a drive to do things I want to do, and achieve things and ultimately be financially comfortable so that I can help those who can't help themselves, and inspire those who can help themselves to do so. It is more rewarding knowing that you rose from the ashes to greatness and that you worked your ass off getting there, so everything that you receive you truly deserve. And I've tasted that before, rising to greater heights. It might have been in small stretches, but they still felt amazing and I can only image how great it'll feel when I do a significant rise. And I know I can acheive it because I've been blessed with many talents, and God didn't create us to play it small, we are made in his image, and He is great, so it is expected of us to be great as well.
So here's to the fighters, the phoenixes, the dreamers and the believers. Carry on, even when it's at its darkest and there is no hope. Don't turn around and don't give up. Stay. Keep on. Soon you will see there has been a light all along, your eyes just needed to learn to see it. Keep fighting and put those lighters up so that others can see your light and find their own. (Yes, part of that was an Eminem lyric quote, it doesn't make it less true.)
However to my disappointment, the Gauteng are was (for a change) quite slow in getting them, or everyone else just beat me to it and bought everything, I don't know? But that also doesn't matter anymore, because I found those little Rascals!!!!! 
All that is left now is for them to bring back the big plastic Rascal man shaped Rascal bottle filled with Rascals and I'll be over the moon. And I still need to find some Sour Rascals, I only found the Fruit and the Mixed Berries flavours. Oh and they need to bring back Fresca as well.